Being a girl

Being a girl

Why is it that “being a girl” is a constant effort to not seem like your some terrible adjective. We try not to seem “needy” or “crazy” all the time. And yet it seems like guys are always trying to seem like they are something, like “masculine” or “confident” or some other crap.

So you’re a girl, you’re at home anxiously awaiting a hang out with a guy, and at the last minute he cancels. Immediately, in the wake of hurt left by said text/voicemail/facebook message, you swing into explanation mode. Like a car into a giant transfomer robot, you change from rational, feminist, confident girl into insecure puddle.

Because you brain is playing about 90 scenes from every girl centered romantic comedy advice movie you’ve ever seen. The phrase “He’s just not that into you” flashes in a bright red in your brain. Because despite the fact that dudes pull this shit all the time without skipping a beat we still respond the same way, by looking for a problem within ourselves.

Cause you ain’t crazy so trying not to freak him out you send what you deem to be a desperately passive aggressive message, that he must read and feel your pain and immediately apologize, for said insensitivity. Mean while joker over there, reading your message says “Oh, she cool” and rolls on out with his aforementioned bros and ditching plans.

So you sit and pout and wonder why he doesn’t understand you and doesn’t wanna hang out with you. And you aren’t crazy because those fears didn’t pop out the ground without seeds. A new one was born every time someone left you, every time a guy wanted you so desperately and changed his mind. You have learned that they all leave eventually no matter how good or kind you are.

Why is that being a girl is a constant act of self-restraint? Of maintaining the illusion  of dignity at any and all costs.